Relationships after thirties
By April Masini

First of all, put away that giant metal pole during the next lightning storm, head indoors, and stop worrying about being struck by the closest bolt. It ain’t gonna happen. But neither is your dream of finding a hubby if you don’t change your attitude—and quickly!

No matter if the relationship is platonic or romantic, there’s one thing that’s sure to send the other person running in the opposite direction—desperation. And Terri, honey, you sound like you have it in spades.

This is not to say that I don’t understand your dilemma, because I do. And your concerns are based on some pretty sound evidence—just look at the fact that there are 28 million single women over 35 compared to a mere 18 million men, and that approximately 80% of women (specifically Caucasian women in the U.S.) are married by the time they’re 30—for proof. Those are some scary stats, especially if you’re ready to settle down.

But being in panic mode is not helping your cause any. So first I want you—and all of the other women out there just like you—to take a few deep breaths, calm yourself down, and reevaluate your plan of action. There is hope for you yet, despite Oprah’s words of doom.

Optimism—a strong aphrodisiac

Like I said, the sense of desperation or neediness in another person is a total turn-off. So the first order of business is to adjust your perception, and thereby, your attitude.

Instead of looking at the fact that you haven’t married yet as a tragedy, view it for what it really is—an opportunity to make the right decision. Look back at how much you’ve grown since your early twenties, and thank your lucky stars you didn’t make a lifelong decision about your partner way back then.  

It’s common thought that we experience the most self-growth and change right around 28 years of age, and it’s only now—at 33—that you’re probably really, completely understanding what those changes were, and who you are…in the fullest sense of the word. If ever there was a right time to make a decision about who you’re going to spend the rest of your life with, and allow to father your precious bambinos, now is the time. Count yourself luck that you waited. (Related article:

The look of love

Men, they’re such simple creatures, really. Just like our biology directs us to “nest”, theirs pushes them to spread their seed and propagate. Gods, cruel joke, I think, that the two are often in direct opposition. But the sooner we accept what men want and how they operate, the better. Why? Because we can use this information to our advantage.

In your case, Terri, you feel that your age is working against you, and want to know what you can do to fight back, and win with men. Well, making sure that you at least look like you’re in prime baby-making condition is a good step. The signs of fertility?

- Long, shiny hair—Short hair may be hip, but long hair subliminally exudes youth and sex

- Clear skin—Rosy cheeks, and a smooth complexion (Related articles:  Anti-aging solutions and anti-wrinkle products)

- Fit body—Fit meaning relatively slim, not necessarily buff, with a good waist-to-hip ratio

- Red/Pink Lips—Lip color can fade as we get older, so a pink or reddish color says youth 

- Full bust—No explanation needed on this one

While some—if not all of these—seem obvious, and what we all want no matter what the age, when trying to attract a man (a man who will become your partner) they’re even more important. These qualities, in particular, say that you’re young, you’re healthy, and you’re in your child-bearing prime, even if you’re just a tad past.

Men may not know why they’re drawn to big breasts and long hair, but now you do. Work it. That means stop spending your dollars on purses and shoes, and start going to the gym and dermatologist. Just think of it as an investment in your future.